My Path of Growth
My entire life hinged on the life of one very special raccoon. Her name was Peaches and our bond eternal. Most of my raccoons over the last 13 years returned to their natural wild home. Raccoons like other wildlife grow up to be wild, restless and hard if not impossible to handle as adults. I realized along time ago it was not fair to me or them to keep them captive any longer than I have to. Peaches never could live independently. Peaches required allot of on going medical and supportive care. She had serious brain and organ damage. I spent everyday for a year keeping her alive and happy. Nothing made me happier then to see her enjoy life. I had not yet learned how to have fun myself so I enjoyed her fun times with her. There was nothing I loved more than Peaches. We had a very special bond. Shortly before Peaches came into my life I created Polly and Friends an organization dedicated to raccoons. Between caring for Peaches and working on Polly and Friends my life had no room to get close to humans. Besides I stop trusting anyone as a baby when I began being violated by those humans I should have been able to trust. We got a special permit to take Peaches out into the public where I shared with other people about raccoons. Her and I were inseparable. Ten years ago I became addicted to my pain medication while trying to escape the haunting the abuse. I was consistently suicidal but I knew I had stay alive for Peaches. When I looked into her eyes I saw a magical love like I had only seen in the eyes of my raccoons. Drugs and ODs had nearly reined my life but I still had someone to love who loved me back unconditionally. This is a priceless feeling. On July 26, 2007 there was nothing more I could do to keep her organs functioning and Peaches passed away. My world ended that day. A little more than a week later I swallowed nearly 400 pills and was almost dead by the time they put me on life support. Life seemed so dark without her because she was my love and hope. When I got out of the hospital I went strait to a friend we will refer to a George. Up till then my entire focus was on Peaches and raccoons in general. I enjoyed talking with him but I never really considered getting close with him. He showed me that love just has Peaches had. I let him into a place in my heart I though was reserved only for raccoons. George changed my entire world that August morning. I was still grieving the loss of Peaches my best friend but I let hope back in. It wasn’t long before George was my new best friend and I couldn’t imagine life without him. His love made me believe that I was special enough to be worth fighting to save. He helped me realize I could choose a life without drugs. I saw the possibility that I could find another way to live. I saw through his eyes that I was not hopeless and most importantly that I was loved. While using drugs and in these my first 60 days clean George has been my biggest support. I know I would not be alive today without his love and support. For the first time in my life I’m intimate with a man who’s not only my lover but also my friend. About a week ago I made a hard choice to go into inpatient treatment. This is a way for me to spend 63 days doing nothing but intensely working on me and my recovery. I know George and I will miss one another very much. At least we’ll be able to stay in touch daily through phones and snail mail. This is a sacrifice we are both more than willing to make for my recovery and quality of life. I’ve been getting my life and affairs in order so I won’t leave worries behind. I’ve also been organizing my photos so I can keep those I love with me in pictures. Despite all the stress I’m looking forward to going into treatment where I can continue to learn more about myself and making good choices.
My entire life hinged on the life of one very special raccoon. Her name was Peaches and our bond eternal. Most of my raccoons over the last 13 years returned to their natural wild home. Raccoons like other wildlife grow up to be wild, restless and hard if not impossible to handle as adults. I realized along time ago it was not fair to me or them to keep them captive any longer than I have to. Peaches never could live independently. Peaches required allot of on going medical and supportive care. She had serious brain and organ damage. I spent everyday for a year keeping her alive and happy. Nothing made me happier then to see her enjoy life. I had not yet learned how to have fun myself so I enjoyed her fun times with her. There was nothing I loved more than Peaches. We had a very special bond. Shortly before Peaches came into my life I created Polly and Friends an organization dedicated to raccoons. Between caring for Peaches and working on Polly and Friends my life had no room to get close to humans. Besides I stop trusting anyone as a baby when I began being violated by those humans I should have been able to trust. We got a special permit to take Peaches out into the public where I shared with other people about raccoons. Her and I were inseparable. Ten years ago I became addicted to my pain medication while trying to escape the haunting the abuse. I was consistently suicidal but I knew I had stay alive for Peaches. When I looked into her eyes I saw a magical love like I had only seen in the eyes of my raccoons. Drugs and ODs had nearly reined my life but I still had someone to love who loved me back unconditionally. This is a priceless feeling. On July 26, 2007 there was nothing more I could do to keep her organs functioning and Peaches passed away. My world ended that day. A little more than a week later I swallowed nearly 400 pills and was almost dead by the time they put me on life support. Life seemed so dark without her because she was my love and hope. When I got out of the hospital I went strait to a friend we will refer to a George. Up till then my entire focus was on Peaches and raccoons in general. I enjoyed talking with him but I never really considered getting close with him. He showed me that love just has Peaches had. I let him into a place in my heart I though was reserved only for raccoons. George changed my entire world that August morning. I was still grieving the loss of Peaches my best friend but I let hope back in. It wasn’t long before George was my new best friend and I couldn’t imagine life without him. His love made me believe that I was special enough to be worth fighting to save. He helped me realize I could choose a life without drugs. I saw the possibility that I could find another way to live. I saw through his eyes that I was not hopeless and most importantly that I was loved. While using drugs and in these my first 60 days clean George has been my biggest support. I know I would not be alive today without his love and support. For the first time in my life I’m intimate with a man who’s not only my lover but also my friend. About a week ago I made a hard choice to go into inpatient treatment. This is a way for me to spend 63 days doing nothing but intensely working on me and my recovery. I know George and I will miss one another very much. At least we’ll be able to stay in touch daily through phones and snail mail. This is a sacrifice we are both more than willing to make for my recovery and quality of life. I’ve been getting my life and affairs in order so I won’t leave worries behind. I’ve also been organizing my photos so I can keep those I love with me in pictures. Despite all the stress I’m looking forward to going into treatment where I can continue to learn more about myself and making good choices.
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